all i want to do is lie in bed and watch angel and sleep and eat and listen to cat power's cover of i found a reason.
last weekend i went to see a movie called dandelion... it was beautiful but most of the acting sucked and the script was pretty bad. seemed like it was trying to be the romeo and julliet of all the real girls.

i just found out today that we are getting head on at work... i'm real excited.

the other night i had a dream that i was being raped by a guy who works in one of the shops that i frequent. he was fucking me and forcing me to have sex with two other women. it was pretty intense. i've never had a dream like that before. it really freaked me out... and the next time i saw him he introduced himself.... i almost wanted to say... oh it's ok.... i know you.... we had sex last night. remember when you forced your cock into me?

it was frightening and hot all at the same time.

it's pretty much all about being scared of giving up control and having to be forced into a place where i feel sexual... i think..... i mean i'm not totally freaked .... anymore.... women have rape fantasies all the time... ... it's just... i've never had a dream like that.... and why were the women in it? am i a lesbian? ..... ok ok i know... one dream doesnt make me a lesbian... but i have been seriously thinking about it lately... there was that stuff in 6th grade and tets face it... never been really popular with the guys... keyon says i'm not a lesbian.... and i do always have crushes on guys... but i do also think about women.... i think i'm a bit childish when it comes to shit like that.... i can be attracted to men and women... but when it comes down to it... i dont think i could be with anyone because i feel so shitty about myself... ha! there fore the rape fantasy... the idea needs to be forced apon me...

am i over thinking this? why does everything need to be so complecated with me?

tommy looked really cute tonight.