ghostrider sucked.

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i think i realized today that it was all fake. the love and openness that i felt for the new thatboy was manufactured by the pills i have been taking. the pot that i have been smoking, the coffee i have been drinking. if the drugs were a regular part of my life then the feelings that i have would be real. but since they are not a part of my life ( they are just a fleeting treat.) the feelings arent really. i'm not opening up because i feel comfortable. i'm opening up because i'm faded. was that all it was about with thatboy? was falling in love with him just a product of all of the drugs i did while around him?

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