solid ground? - 2007-05-15

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i'm on the verge of something, again. can you hear the anger and disapointment in my voice? i just want to be in the middle of something, but that good middle when you know that what you have is awesome. its a stand still and i keep looking to myspace horoscopes to tell me whats going on, because i dont know if you have noticed by myspace horoscopes are allways spot on. i hhave just finished the new book for the bananna hammocks and am now reading miranda july's new book which i love but which also makes me just want to curl up into a ball and cry. am i just repeting something because i didnt learn anything the first time? keyon says i should be a writter but actually thinking things up on the fly and pouring over short stories making them tighter and tighter is more of a commitment then i am used to. where am i going? why am i hear? empathy. empathy. i want something new. i dont think it is just for the new beginnings. i pretty much like the way i am, but a change of pace would be really nicce. i keep asking myself if this means i'm just running away. i dont think so. i think nyc is just something i need right now. i'm upswet about things that havent even happened yet, and probbably wont. where am i going what am i doing. is it wrong that the happiest momments in my life are in his smile or when i'm lost in a blue bloods novel? have i stunted my own growth? because i think i'm still living in highschool. it's got to get better than this.

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