i have cramps and i fucked up at work and assholes are just surrounding me.....

why am i so fucking unloveable?

i dont really know whats up. but yester day out of the fucking blue i get my period. what the fuck. 3 years and BAAAAMB!!! hey ! i'm back.... cramps andbloting and mood swings.... well at least it explains the moods i have been having. i just dont understand what is going on.... i have decided that i hate arragont bastard.... see.... the roomates hate him... the friends say he seemes like an asshole... well, everyone i have talked to about him say he is an asshole. so whats up?

why am i so hurt by this?

he is a fuckwatt. emotional fuck wittige. fuck it. i dont understand.. he seemes petty and rude and sammy;s like, well then why do you like him? and i cant for the life of me remember... or think of a reason.

instance. today i walk into the store and it's all... cut up chut up... because he thinks i look like the girl from donnie darko.... why does he even say shit like that to me? much like my irrational mother who compares me to every fat partialy asian woman she sees... " oh, your dad and i were walking and we saw a woman that looked so much like you......" it just doesnt make sense. the other day i went to the mall with thatgirl and i was up early so i did my makeup. we walked around... everyone i saw that day said that i looked good. and i did too.... i was looking hot! and i go in to arragont bastards work to rent or return and the first thing he says is... why are you wearing make up ? you dont need makeup. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? what a fucking prick. lastnight he tells me.... " i've decided i like your eyes. (refering to a recent negative conversation about mu green contacts) but, (pointing to my black eyeliner.) you could go without the eye shadow. it makes your eyes look to asian"...... what the fuck? FUCKING ASSHOLE SAID WHAT? it's not like i would ever say to him(although sammy says i should) " i like your skin, but you knose is too big, it makes you look like a jew. "(for the ones who might get angry at that statement it is not like that, he is a jew and it is just a thing used to acentuate the inapropriate ness of the whole makes you look more asian thing.) so i have decided i'm through. i dont need his bullshit in my life. at all. what a fuckwad.

on one side though , now that i think about it a little more. he didnt actually make a donnie darko reference to me today. it was overlytightpantsmod that did so..... maybe he understood that i really dont like it.... but maybe i'm just looking for reason not to hate him.

sammy says i should find the ugly picture and pin it up in the house so we can all draw on it and mock him at home. i relized i'm just pathetic. the reason i get so on eliska about the manimals is that really i'm just like them. some guy pays me the littleist bit of attention and i immediately have a crush.......... IT IS ALL BULL SHIT!!!! i just really wish i was drunk right now. i have this dream that i could do some bellucci and get really really high... but the next day wouldnt come down badly or anything. no nose problems no groggy hating of everything in the world.

just refreshed and non sleepy.

i think what it really boils down to is that i miss thatboy and i miss keyon. maybe i'll try to get thatgirl to kick it with thatboy.