then i went to work.... arg!!1 arg!! arg!why does the world hate me. i was in a really good mood. then i just get shit on... i dont understand what i'm doing wrong... maybe it's me, it probabbly is me but sometimes i feel like a fucking scape goat or something. anyways i'm going from flat broke to totally broke.

on the other hand i made my first trip ever to the gocery outlet ... that place is so cool its like saturday dead of night acid trip ending up at the safeway awsome.... except it is like that all the fucking time!!!!!1

i feel like everyone hates me... like if i was in trouble noone would try to help me. tonight while i was cleaning i burned my arm... i fucking ment to do it too. i dont want to start hurting myself but i did feel better after... does that make me crazy? is this how it starts?

something is wrong. my life is falling apart. even three unexpected but very nice loving e-mails from people i never even see anymore couldnt break my funk. and on top of it this fucking bitch of an old man starts yelling at me because i told him it was 18 for 2 tix.... he was like... goddamnit i'm a senior. and i said i dont know if you dont tell me... people were in a funky mood... its like i cant just be polite i have to be kiss your ass polite.... maybe i dont get paid enough for that. i almost burst into tears today at work... i just want to float in a large body of water... and scream and cry and not bother anyone. i hate bothering people... putting them out... probbably because i'm worthless. i'm listening to tape leafs and its sort of helping because its so summery.

but dropout by urge overkill keeps looping in my head and the suicide scene from royal tannenbaums keeps flashing.

i need something to cheer me up.......

i guess its a god thing i;m reading god bless you mr, rose water. i'm liking it a lot ... i'm not goin' to cheack this over so, so there un edited me