that girl said something really great today. she said, refering to the baby. "I just wish he would come now. It's like i have a baby, but I don't. I don't have to dress him or feed him, he's all ready to go." i thought that was funny. part of me doesn't know my place in her life anymore. i mean, i feel the need to be a kid with her. to continue to grow up as if we were still adolecents. but we are fucking twenty one i know it is still young and everything but .... sometimes i feel so fucking OLD. i hear from people that it is just because in the city... or something like it... you just grow up faster... but i dont now... sometimes i think it was alll the fucking acid we did in eighth grade. its weird because she is in recovery and i keep thinking that she doesnt do stuff because she is pregnant. i feel shitty because i think i make it worse for her. on the other hand i havent done any illegal drugs in almost seven months i havent missed it at all. today however i did wake up with the taste of weed in my mouth but i wasn't craving at all. i have a shit load of anthropology work to do. we have a quiz next week... i went to the stacks the other day and just sat around reading my proffesers dissertation... it is fucking huge!!! like a real book . i had no idea that dissertations were supposed to be so big. at first i thought ... tourism in jamaica? this woman was stoned out of her gourd every day... but when i actually read some of it i was amazed on how much of an impact tourism has on jamaica .... its fucked up. real fucked up. in an average week one can make 3 us dollars . a fucking week! there is way to much to write about in here. but it is really fucked up.

that boy... where should i begin?

Pitseleh

I'll tell you why I don't want to know where you are

I've got a joke I've been dying to tell you

a silent kid is looking down the barrel

to make the noise that I kept so quiet

I kept it from you, pitseleh

I'm not what's missing from your life now

I could never be the puzzle pieces

they say that god makes problems

just to see what you can stand

before you do as the devil pleases

and give up the thing you love

no one deserves it

the first time I saw you I knew it would never last

I'm not half what I wish I was

I'm so angry

I don't think it'll ever pass

and I was bad news for you just because

I never meant to hurt you

by elliot smith

THIS SONG IS SO PRETTY AND SOOTHING TO LISTEN TO, FIND IT!!!!!!