maren and i watched realitiy bites tonight...i fucking love that movie. its weird when you love a movie in middle school but then when you watch it again after highschool parts of it make so much more sense. this dude came into work today he was really cute.. he was ordering something and he spoke so low i had to lean in to hear what he wanted. cute shy boys! nothing better in the world. unfortunatly i feel ugly every momment of the day. or i might have said something but as time has told me. i will never approch some one.. they just run away screaming. my inner turmoil today is that i have bands that people could find me from in my profile. i no longer have them in there directly but when you search for them they come up.... it's funny to me that i dont mind if compleate strangers read this but i care if people i know read it. i wish there was a word for that. if there was i think i would use it all he time.... do you know a word that fits that? my scarf is a little under half way there. when it is finished it will drag on the ground when i walk... i have romantic notions of the scarf getting caught in my bike wheel and me dying a tragic horrible death in the arms of a fine ass man.... i cant really see that though i'm just too pratical. sometimes..... i got of work early today 2 hours early.... no show for mm and technical prolems for the 2 to 8w ...sweet. i should be in bed drugged and about to sleep ... tomarrow is a school day but i'm not yet because yesterday when i went to bed my nails wern't dry all the way and when i woke up some of my nails had imprints of my hair.....

i bought cottonelle tissue today... i like the thought of having toilet paper with an english accent.

today while i was buying it i was directed to the wrong place i saw a woman looking at adult dipers and asked her if she had seen toliet paper any where around us. she looked at me horrified like, and said something unintelligable. i backed away... i can't believe she was offended... she was buying adult dipers for god's sake... as i was leaving she was behind me and the cashier needed to a price check on her dipers... all i could think of was those YM horror stories about buying tampons from cute guys and having them announced over the loud speaker. .... toliet paper should be free.... its not like you can truly choose not to use it.... i mean you could but there would be some horrible rammification..... i'm going to see the jackass movie tomarrow.... and real women have curves the next day . there are just so many movies i want to see.... they no longer screen things at the shatuck... it makes me sad.... all the cool managers are gone except for zack... but i dont really know if he is cool... just hearsay. he seemes cool ... i'm just rambling.

i found a cool diary that i like a lot . she writes really well... however it makes me feel funny so i wont read her anymore... to close or something like that. this is turning into a pretty long entry.

i had this dream lastnight that i had these weird bumps on the underside of my breasts. the right one had a lump and the left one had a lump/scar/wound. i was frightened and asked someone to cheack it out. she said it was cancer... i freaked ot... it was a fight club marla momment. there was wood paneling and halways and beds... we were in the basement.. it was very calvin kline kiddie porn esque. ...freaky... i wok up thinking i actually had cancer.... and that one of my breasts was going to be removed/ gone.... sometimes waking up and relizing it was a dream is bad... sometimes it is good and you get down on your knees and thank someone. other times it colors your whole day. can you guess which one this was?

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