the fact that i can no longer get to bed before the sun comes up; thanks to the late night painting sessions at the theater.

having to shower twice a day and never feeling compleately comfortable in my work clothes.

scenes of the accidental death of my parents cat.

making my parents bed smell like smoke, just from sleeping on it with out showering.

accidentally killing all of the plants and flowers in my mothers gardens.

knowing that i totally freaked out tommy at work the other day when i started crying and couldnt stop.

the strange urge to have sex with a stranger in my parents bed, as if needing to "live" again as a teenager.

the new gap commercial with madonna and missy..... horrible and sad at once.

the fact that the rich aryn actor may be the next ruler of earth.

possibility of cancer.

the sharp dull ache i feel in my shoulder everytime i move my head.

that i may have lost my sister compleately to the "teenage years"

my parents and sister could die in africa in the next 2 weeks.

i will never get to see the new radiohead video.

when i saw andrew today. it really will be the last time i see him.

i will die alone and cold without anyone

keyon is getting sick of me.

thatboy really is a loser and i will never truly be in his heart. keyon says that i am thatboys rock in reality.... but while i want to believe what he says..... keyon doesnt really know my relationship with that boy........ help me.