off the path
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i dont know what ia happening to me anymore. i think this is one of those... "down times" people talk about.... you know how movie stars will go on sell out shows like big brother just to try to get their 15 min of fame back...... i'm starting to feel that desprate. i dont know if it the lack of maren or the shunning of me by keyon and my roomates. keyon has been needing me time and while i totally understand that on the surface i totally feel empty and shallow and just plain shitty... as if i'm not cool enough for him and somehow his rejection of me makes me feel fat and ugly and horrible which in turn makes me eat and then makes me feel like shit.andrew is gone... i think .... and i havent talked to the mikes in a long time. things were so happy and nice that i came to belive it would be good for at least a little while.... maybe it is all of the old feelings that i had while i lived here... i feel as if there are ghosts constantly wispering in my ear and i think it is making me crazy... it is definately makking me sad..... lastnight my eyes started itching and when i looked in the mirror there were these rash like bumps all over my eyelids..... i cant figure out what the hell it was from....... i
i have a new crush on a guy named dan that works at the ua... i have thought he was cute for quite a while but it hasnt really hit me until last week. he is really cute but i am wery of ua guys...... they just .... i dont know... seem to suck? i mean not as friends... but as b f material... nathan was an idiot...... gray sucked ......... i want him to be diffrent and cool...... but all i can do now is look at him and smile when i am near him. hopefully i'll see him one day when i'm in a hyper good mood! he just has these weird brown spots on his teeth as if he used to have braces and they didnt get all of the glue off. he smokes and drinks too much coffe teeth.... who am i to talk though... i'm fat..... sigh...... just this once i would like to get a guy i like.
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i read this: sleep- |