i'm really drunk right now... really really drunk.

keyon hates me so i'm drinking my troubles away. i made spagetti sauce and drank a HUGE GIN and tonic. it was beautiful;. it seemes that every time i open myself up to someone and let my self relax what ever person that is just fucking disses me. keyon has left me for another dude. which makes me feel ok because he has a boy friend but also makes me feel shitty because for instance. we made plans today and then i called him and he told me that he was going out with a second dude to play final fantasy ..... what the fuck is up with that? it seemes his passions for first dude are waining and his passions for second dude are starting up again.... but second dude has a boyfriend.... i dont know.... all i know is that keyon makes me feel worthless and i tried to give him up but then we kicked it because laura was leaving and it was good. so i asked him to kick it and he made me feel worthless... like if i dont have someting to give him he wont kick it with me...... i feel like he kicked me when i was down on the ground crying..... the heart hurts but the brain is nicely warm and fuzzy/...... my roomate is ruining the yeah yeah yeahs for me by fucking her boyfriend to it....

aaarrrgggghhhrrrraaaaaaa...... i wish i could fade out of exsistance right now....