the gals and i went out for coffee like we always do on sundays..... however today. as we were pulling into the parking lot i saw my first kiss pulling out of a parking space.

aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh

let me take you down memory lane......... summer between 8th and 9th grade.... ummm.... 1994/95..... sitting on the corner in the sun. smoking cigarettes and watching traffic with the girls. looking for something interesting to do.... do we wanna go the 2 blocks to the park? or are we gonna walk the mile to the coffee shop. Where are our male counterparts most likely to be skateboarding? all of a sudden a lone figure comes out of the distance strutting towards us in a black trench and wrap around sunglasses. As he crosses the street on the other side we check him out and notice that the bottom of his head is shaved down to a half an inch and the rest of his hair is in a ponytail..... maybe he bums a cigarette, maybe he walks on. he continues up the hill..... we mosey to the coffee shop.....

later that night we go to a party given by our friend lauren's boyfriend's family. they live in one of the first houses built on the hill. there is food and a huge enclosed backyard where the parents cant see us. the wine cellar is open and the wine flows freely. the trench coat dude is there and he is HOT!!! we find out his name is demo. we get drunk. he hooks up with katie.... i am very disappointed..... later we walk down the hill and disperse.

the next day katie is horrified... she doesn't want anything to do with him.... she was faded and feels sick.... i see my in.

lauren and i kick it. we meet up with demo and will. we hang out, it gets dark.. we are in will's backyard again. lauren and will makeout and go upstairs to his room. leaving demo and i alone. it is cold. we huddle together. we get closer and closer. he askes me if i'm cold and tells me to come closer. our lips touch and we start kissing. we move into will's sisters play structure out of the wind. we make out. he feels me up and i feel him. it's almost morning

when the sun comes up we walk down to the park and kiss some more. he walks me home. my mom is already up and watering the garden.... after he leaves my mom looks at my hickeys and says..... isn't that Katie's boyfriend? .... mom's never understand..... my heart glows.... i am so happy i can bearly fall asleep..... when i wake up we meet again. we end up in will's bed.... demo is spending a few days with him... we are topless when wills family comes home. will, his mom , his little brother and little sister..... aaaarrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i curse the lack of privacy. the next day he leaves for san diego..... then a week before he gets back i leave for summer camp.... the day i get back he kisses my best friend...... asshole.

how my life would be different if they hadn't come home.

curse them ... curse him......

the private school that will and demo went to turned out to be a great place for spoiled rich kids to develop drug addictions. will is a speed freak that i only hear about in the context of " lelie went psycho again, and he was seen with will the day before... again."

demo lost touch with us after that summer but every year or so i would hear about how he cheated on another girlfriend. one time i was told a great story about how he cheated on a girl in europe and then she lit all of his stuff and his bed on fire.... i laughed ... a lot when i heard that one. ... then came the "demo is doing a lot of speed, and he looks real hurt" reports. which finally changed into.... demo lives in tahoe , in rehab, he's straight edge now. he has straight edge tattoos.

to finally about a year ago. thatgirl tells me that she saw him in kensington....

finally i saw him today. and damn he looked good. sigh.

i shake my head at what was, what is, and what could have been. he probably doesn't even remember me, but i will always remember him as my .....