tommy had a panic attack and had to leave. i felt really shitty about it . do people bring on panic attacks or do they just happen?

but it turns out that i must have panic attacks too . it seemes that the feelings that i have about thatboy are actually panic attacks. i think i freaked tommy out more when i started asking him about them. because then he got claustrophobic and had to leave.. i just didnt know that what i experienced happened to other people. the fluid in the tendon on my toe is getting bigger. it wont go away and it scares me.

is it wrong to love love songs? the mjority of songs out there in the world are about relationships between people. i'm making charming asshole a mix cd and i relized that most of the songs are love songs.... aaarrrgggghhhhh.... the songs are all of my favorites. and i just happen to like love songs a lot. but i dont want to freak him out.

eliska says i could fuck him if i wanted to but 1> i am not a homewrecker. contrary to popular belief. and 2> i'm pretty sure he isnt into me.

i just, i'm happy, but i dont know or understand what is going on in any part of my llife.

i wish the tupper and reed guy would come into the theater.