when i was in class it was like, i never had time for my self, now that i dont have a class to go to its like i have too much time to myself. ... and it totally sucks... new boy is where he is and hopeflly out of the picture because i dont think i like the way i act when i have a crush on him... i started to push all of these thatboy feelings onto him because i was getting vibes off of him that were sorta the same. but what i came to relize is that.... i'm crazy.... and even though it hurts me to be alone.... i dont really want to inflict it upon anyone else. ..... i try to be good.... i really do.......

maybe when it boils down to it i'm just a really selfish person... hopefully things will just get better after september 2nd. when mercury comes out of retrograde.

until then i'm just stuck in the middle of misery. waiting it out.... oh my god i hate waitingsooooooooooooooooo much!!!!

what was it that made him turn on me? i am such an idiot.

on the other hand i finally relized why i always conced if someone is going after the man i like. it is because i want to be the best. i want to be the one he chooses not the one he settles for, i want him to say.... fuck you girl #2 i want her.

everyone wants to be the first choice.