it worries me when my tatoo itches..

so i loaffed all day. didnot vote. did not study. feel horribly bad about both... i am digging my own pit of guilt and i dont see the end comming anytime soon... i do however see my parents pulling their rug of ssupport out from under me and me lying all alone on the cold hard floor..

why doi feel that even though i need people... NEED people around me constantly... i dont like to be alone... but i dont like to participate. and ultimately you can only rely on yourself.. but there are times when you need others... sitting in cutural anthro learning about tribes and foraging societies i just find myself wishing i lived back then... but i guess i would just be bored all the time...

i relized i hate it when people talk about thatgirl. i hate it. it is as if i feel that they dont have the right... or i just always need to defend her... like she is a scared little defensless puppy. but truthfully... that isnt true. i am just very confused and i bet i'll start my period soon. maybe i need to go back on medication. the sleeping all the time worries me a little. the lack of drive ... i have no life goals whatsoever..... i feel like a baby.. is it an aries thing? am i just looking for something to blame it on?

messy my life is messy.

it always gets worse before the storm and then it gets better.. you need down to enjoy the upps. i just wish i was like karen on will and grace... rich alcoholic. lost in my own little world. what i have to do is make something happen for my self but i want instant gratification... i want to go on a diet and see results tomarrow not in 3 - 4 weeks. i want to look at someone atractive and not only have them love me instantly... already through and over the fat girl thing... i want to see me for me on the inside. i want all of this shit and i just dont see it happening for me ever... i mean i never get what i want so why the fuck is it worh the effort?

i miss thatboy. i just miss hanging out at his house doing nothing feeling happy Aand not worriying about anything... aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggg

i'm gonna shower sleep and hopefuly get a c on my test.