eye of the lost highway soundtrack is one of my favorite songs... it makes me want to turn the volume way up and just lie on the floor listening to it and feeling the bass make everything shake.... thats what i miss about live showes..trent reznor doing closer , radiohead doing idioteque, i miss live music.

sometimes right before i go to sleep i'm not as horrible as i feel. sometimes its right when i wake up. before i remember who i am.

i have looked all over the fucking place for a used copy of cats cradle it is no fucking where to be found. i guess now i have to go back to pegusas and get the three novel book.... it was only 8 bucks... and dude said he would give me a discount... i like how with good people one good turn deserves another.... i feel like somewhere my karma has gotten fucked up and even though i try to be good not so happy things happen to me..... also even though miguel beats women gets them hooked on speed and fucking burns all of their possesions he still gets to walk the face of the earth....what ever its to late to dwell on him... however if anyone comes into contact with miguel g. stay the fuck away from him he is a fucking asshole rapist speed freak woman abuser.

i locked this diary for a few days and then decided fuckit i can live with the paranoia maybe i wont get stoned any more because of it..

today was a nice day... as nice as it could have been. i foundout this morning why i've been freaking out all week and then took off to go see sharon. i paid my phone bill and even got some chicken mc nuggets in. yeah!

somedays i love sharon and marcos i wish i could be a paint flake on their carpet. lying there absorbing the love that they have. today sharon made this scrumdiddlyumtious dish of salmon and capers and olives and tomatos and while she was cookig i just dozed on their bed... there was sun and cuban music and funk music and wonderful smells. it was really nice to feel their energy . good atmosphere is really imporrtant right now because i feel like i'm just picking up these weird vibes every where.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lime wire why must you forsake me?

i think i scare people... not just with the hiediousness of myself but with the inner energy eminating from me sometimes i just feel really needy.. its a deep seeded need like the need to be wraped in fresh out of the dryer towels and hugged tightly by someone you can hug tightly.. when its a sunny day and everything is just beautiful and you just fucking smile at the people around you trying to spread the love.

on a good note. today the min i got home my phone rang. it was that boy. it made me smile... he always seemes to have the perfect timing.

my hair smells like australian hops i think i go to london in 2 weeks

i hate flying