i remember last summer when i was so convinced that, that boy loved me... i was bumping into things and singing and smiling at everyone. i miss that... i miss being happy. i had this weird dream lastnight i was on this boat with all of these people from my past... there were murders and some weird shit going on but the tail end of it was that i was looking for cereal and i found this box of cereal that i totally love... its flakes with raisins and almond slivers... but the raisins are coated with this crushed nut stuff... oooh its so good! well i found a box and was pouring it into a bowl but there were no raisins... i was like what the fuck? give me some fucking raisins... and then this whole shitload of raisins fell out but they were all clustered together.... yes!!!! i finnally got whats a telephone bill by boosty collins!!!!!! hell mother fucking yeah!!! i've been trying to get this song forever.

little victories.

i was reading old entrys and i really have to laugh at my spelling.... i find it kinda funny because sometimes i laugh at other peoples spelling mistakes but i have so many all the time.. part of it is because i cant spell.. i just never have been able to... my mom says it is because i'm partially dislexic but its also because my keyboard is a little fucked up...

its weird that what has actually been two years seems like only yesterday.... sometimes i think ... why dont i take chances? because in a year from now i wont give a flying fuck if i messed up but i'd be totally happy if i didnt... i need to live my life.... i need to pack... fuck you yerba matte!!!! one fucking sip and i feel all spun out. my goal for london is to get drunk at a bar. meet a skeezy guy that will take me out and kill me in a painless but gerusome way. that will be my fifteen min of fame.

lelie called tonight and i just didnt want to deal with it... i dont want to deal with anything ... however ... ron is moving out and if his roomie is also moving than we might beable to take over their lease!!! that would rock because then we could stay in the bay instead of moving to the city... and the rent would be way cheaper... way cheaper... and we would have a fucking cool ass house to live in. in a prime location. that would be so fucking awesome... ok i leave so soon i'm starting to get really excited... fuck!!! i need to sleep , i'm supossed to hang out with that girl tomarrow... and i have to do laundry and pack and clean and.... heehehehehehehehehe i'm leaving i 'm leaving!!

it was a fun night. patrick got a rental car and we drove really fast all over berkeley and albany blasting this awesome cd. that some dj made. it has the words"this is the best cd i own" on it and i think it is the best cd he owns... it mixed all of these random songs to these fat ass beats... there is a maddona song a twisted sister song a few pharcyde songs... samples from the warriors and it mixed part of the i have a dream speech with sweet dreams... its fucking awesome.. i'm gonna buy it.

and my horoscope said i was going to get some kind of corrispondance and i did.... its kinda interesting the mapping of the mind... if there were eight days in a week it would be perfect.

i am wearing a shit load of eyeliner tonight... i dread trying to wash it off... thats the real reason i dont want to go to bed tonight...... did i mention that i went to other dudes work the other day and he was not only looking totally cute but he was wearing this little british flag pin..... it was the first time i think he has ever been brisk with me but he warmed up a little in the end... because he felt the urge to mock my choice of words... i'm sorry but i figure that if you can understand what i'm saying because you know the context of what i'm speaking about then fuck english... i'd rather make my own use for words... like in high school when we invented the word travoltuis tra-vol-tu-iss to jut out.... john travoltas chin is travoltuis. her breasts were travoltuis... whatever... i dont think you really spell it that way...