Fucking Hell!!!!!!!
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oh the utter horror of it all. i watched two vey disorienting movies today. it has just been a really weird day. keyon slept over and then left and then came back. i needed to do two things today. make the excange with dude. and study for my test tomarrow. so keyon comes around with me. dude cut his hair and looks totally cute. if he could get any cuter. he was really nice too. it was a good thing. so we go off and run some errends and maren calles me and says... i'm going to i am trying to break your heart and 24 hour party people what are you doing. so we decide to see wilco again < i wanted to see it again just maybe not that soon> and then see mad love. i think my wrong move here was to invite dude to see it. but whatever. on the other hand when i went back to his work the other cute dude was there. strange though he looked shorter. its the platform they stand on... whatevver i'm dwelling. so we go to telegraph after the library because i just could not concentrate... at all... ut i feel confidant. ... sorta... and meet up with one of keyons cal prig gals and see tanya and jea hung and all these fucking people. and i was sooo hyped up on coffe it wasnt even funny. so then i see brendan and he spends a lot of time with us. it was nice he watched the wilco movie with us. i didnt think he was that into it but who cares. i played with thomas the cat for a long time outside of the shattuck. it was nice. i miss being alone sometimes. and then when i'm alone i long to be around people. i think ... what has beginning to dawn on me is that i'm just depressed. its all this that boy shit. i feel like its pileing on top of me ... it wont let me breathe. he is just always there in the corner of my mind. waiting. and when i finaly think that i'm rid of him... thats when he fucking calls me. i just dont know how to fix it. i mean i really dug myself in deep with this one. i just dont know... i feel all jumbled and crazy ... like my brain is deteriorating i mean. i could never spell be fore ut now i'm replacing p's with s's and going all terribly dislexic. i ate dinner at my parents house the other night and lately that girl and i have been talking aout in arms time. so i asked them if i had enough in arms time as a kid. they said that i didnt even want any in arms time. i was just all over the place. they couldnt go to a store with me cos i needed to touch everything. i could walk into a room and imeddiatly say if something had been moved even a little on say, the mantle. i dont know what that means but i figure it must mean something. keyon really wants to read my diary. i tell him that he knows everything that i put in it. and reay shouldnt be a prlem withhim reading it.. i mean compleate strangers read it.... but i dont know there is something to say about it.... he said it is because i censor myself diffrently ... like how you talk to your parents and how you talk to your bestfriend... your proffesers... the class. you share a diffrent part of you with everyone.... i think this must be my venting diary because according to the world i seem angry. .... i like angry but i dont know if that is a good or bad thing.... the line... something you see something pretty or beautiful and you just want to fuck it up as been running through my head lately .... its the story of my life... what it is... why this entry is going to be so long and make no sense is because i just havent had a lot of thinking time lately.... i've been on auto pilot a lot lately and while i can laugh at the silly things a lot. i just dont find things that humorus lately. i guess my london vacation wasn't as relaxing as i wanted it to be... it was relaxing but in a stressful way. and i'm just really looking forward to hawii... oh shit... i also found out that my parents and sister are going to fucking south africa in the far future.... fucking hell... south fucking africa....where does the mind wander?
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i read this: sleep- |