school starrted today and while deeply afraid of my class i am also really excited... my teacher is totally cool and i'm going to know a lot more about the world when i get out of modern world history.... tomarrow i have social psychology and critical thinking...... i'm excite about that to because i have had both of the teachers and love them.... i just wish they taught at laney... then i wouldnt have so many people i know in my classes... i hate knowing people in my classes.... i really hate it when they are stupid gossipy bitches...... yeah.......

on another nole if i dont get another class my parents are going to cut my money by 125 a month..... i really dont know how i feel about that... but i think it might just work out to my advantage..... who knows...... i move really really soon...... i need to like, pack or something... i need to sleep too but i am totally on this coke a cola trip and i took a nap earlier.... so let me jabber on about my love life......

nothing happening.....nothing....... i picked up a magazine the other day from dude... he was all nice and then he threw me a curve ball asking me what i was doing later..... why ask if you dont care? i stammered something about seeing adaption..... and probabbly sounded like an idiot because it is adaptation ... does he kick it with me? does he know that i always call it adaption? no... so i invited him to a screening ...look me extending the friend branch...... and he talked about having to work and work and being so busy.... and yet acording to my spies he went to a movie that sunday.... with passes i fucking gave him.... i just dont understand.... i dont get it... is he lying for fun or so he doesnt feel uncomfortable.... is he just a diffrent kind of weird i dont get? who cares really.... i mean it's not like he ever invited me to his hoe down shindig party again... whenever he had it in fucking aug..... because i really wanted to go.... but on to other men.... oh yeah... he looked all kinds of cute too....aaarrrggggghhhhh.......

what is it with greasy guys? its like.. i know you dont have pomade in your hair because i can smell you from here... 2 days is a max... unless you are homeless or allergic to water.... please bathe either every day or everyother day....

is this me bitching? i think it is.

so there are guys that orbit around me. its funny because sometimes it is like clock work... i see them every so often and my heart goes pitter patter... sometimes it is like an eclipse i see them almost never and my heart skips a beat..... but most of the time it is like a shooting star... i see them at random odd times and i get all flushed and excited..... my main problem right now is feeling out my dude situation... not to beconfused with above written about dude.... this dude... i dont know its like... are you flirting with me cos i am stupid and dense and cannot tell..... i've been thinlking about him a lot lately.... it makes me feel like a fucking highschooler all over again...... remembering how i used to see him and just stare at him .... and wisper to thatgirl....who i saw the other day with her little weasel and they are doing great...... funny that i crushed on his friend as well and now they are so around.... but really this is way to much information and if you know me and are reading this..... because of my banner or whatever i am going to make your head explode....

i bought a siguor ross album i love it... if you can believe it they sound like a male bjrk mixed with a ton of mellower radiohead... perfect falling asleep msic.... if i was a musician i would want to make music like it... i would call it my shuffly period.... hhhhhmmmmm shuffly......

j.d. said to me that i am one of his most favorite people to workk with... also that it is not that i am becomming crazy it is that i am just more comfortable with my craziness... i let it show...seep out more..... i dont care if people see it..... i liked that... it made me feel good about where i am going in life... just because maybe i am not doing what my parents want ... as in the path that they want me to walk... it doesent mean i'm not going to do anything with my life......

i also relized i am a spoiled first child... not in the traditional sense.... more of spoiled emotionaly.... i used to think it was because i had a i want.. i need personality and everyone else in the family had an accomidating personality but now i know that it is just that i was the first special one and everyone else let me slide./...... something like that....

i also relized..... in hawaii.... remember when i thought of something but forgot it when i went to write my entry? well this is it.... i have 2 people inside me, a love of everything mainstream and pop culture like person... and an outcast/ hate everything traditional like person. they are constantly fighting it out... what i have to do is . ... try to get them to compermise... or get one to win out yet except parts of the other... i think this is why i have that little voice inside my head doubting everything.... one person is always getting the other one down.....

wow this is a really long entry ...... thanks for staying with me.