i find people interesting i like watching them interact with eachother. i like being able to know someone so well that you can buy great gifts for them. that you know what kind of judgement calls they are going to make, what they are thinking. i think that is why i smother people. i cant get enough of them and they cant get alone time. my fires burn out fast though. the people i keep around, what do they have in common? anything? they need to be constant. yet fluid. .... thats all i can think of.... what did that girl give me that all of the other girls didnt? what did thatboy do that sam and moraj didnt ? and what about boringboy? we had a lot in common, but after a whole boring night of kicking it. and a horrible "date" with his friends sitting right next to us. the min the words "your the coolest person i know" came out of his mouth ... i ran for the hills. after a few hours of trying to hint at the fact that we were incompatable. boring dude just couldnt take the hint. i need someone who will see through my bullshit.

i had a dream while i was in hawaii that sean was wearing his mothers clothes...... i think i'm going to leave that alone from now on........ i dont want a mammaa's boy either. i'm trying to supress the urge to act slutty all the time. partialy because i know i dont have the guts to back it up. always chicken out,...... i think what really sucks about it is that i need to be manipulated into continually likeing someone. however at the first sniff of bullshit it's all over. how the fuck did i get so fucking complicated?

i worked booth today with attucus. and i was a bit pissed at him all day... i'm beginning to relize that he is just an asshole dork in sheeps clothing. i do however like the organization of his mind. he thinks in a really cool way.

tomarrow i work a fucking dbl. noon to 11pm.... aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! at least hslf of it is booth. and half of it is door... although i hate door. at least i will get to sit down all night.

tonight sammy and i watched badlands... ooohhh jesus god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! martin sheen was soooooo fucking hot.... that movie just fucking rocks my world. sammy made me a picture of john cusak. she found a pic of some random hot bodied male and pasted john's face on it.... ooohhh god it looks hot. i have to go........